The Birth Plan

Well we have hit the halfway point in this whole ordeal. Matt and I have moved past a lot of the "Oh sh*t, pregnancy is crazy" stage and we are now looking at the "Holy frick, we are that much closer to having a baby" phase.

We are reading less of our pregnancy books and more of our labor and delivery books, and all those baby-birthing experts recommend making a birth plan. So let's take a look at how one plans for the unpredictable.

- Pain medication. Would I prefer to use natural methods of pain relief or am I open to receiving medication or regional anesthesia? Let me think ... I want an epidural. I want five epidurals. If you think telling me to breathe slowly is going to be enough to numb me from the pain that is happening, you are on heavy drugs. And should give me some.

- Visitors. Do I want the nursing staff, my partner, friends, family, medical residents  in the room for the delivery? You mean, do I want everybody and their mother to see me on my back, crying and sweating with my lady parts in view? I'll pass, thanks. I will obviously allow the nurses and the doctor in, but beyond my boyfriend and my carefully selected best friend/coaching team, everyone else needs to stay the hell out.Seriously, why would other people even want to see that?

- Episiotomy. If you know what this word means, say a little prayer for this first-time mama. I know it might be the best option, but it makes me shudder. If you are not familiar with the term, don't look it up.

- Mobility. Do I want to be hooked up to monitors constantly or only have intermittent checks as needed? Well it's not like I'm going to be doing laps around the hospital while having contractions, but I would like to be able to move. The idea of just lying in bed waiting for things to get worse isn't ideal for me. Let's keep things untangled for as long as possible so I can at least pace around in my super attractive hospital gown.

There are plenty of other decisions to be made, mostly based on worst-case scenario and emergency situations. But those are a more serious conversation that require me to think and discuss with Matt. For now, at least I have those basics out of the way.

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