My vision has been slightly distorted lately. Perfectly innocent images that would never have caused me concern before now seem to contain satanic imagery and are painted in dark colors and blood. Signs that once simply looked like rainbows and smiley faces now appear to be skulls and snakes.
Before you ask what hallucinogenic I took this morning, allow me to explain.
Our baby shopping has taken a turn recently, from onesies and nursery furniture to pediatricians and day cares. Choosing a caregiver for your child can be tough I have found, especially when you are convinced no one will be able to give her the adequate attention she needs and no one is good enough.
I finally realize how my dad felt abut my high school boyfriends. I never understood his rationale until I found myself thinking "but no one can take care of my princess the way she deserves!"
I know this is crazy and plenty of doctors and day care workers are out there who will give my baby everything she needs. But I still have some twisted, warped view of every facility I check out. It goes something like this:
Every ad for a pediatrician I look at turns into something malicious. That friendly doctor is actually an evil clown who can't wait to jab needles into my baby's body and laughs with glee as she cries. That lollipop in his hand was dunked in arsenic. That's just fact.
Every sign for a day care center, the happy baby on the sign suddenly looks malnourished and scared. That group of kids playing outside is actually a chain-gang. The playground equipment is covered with razor blades and barbed wire and the toys are all broken and dirty with toxic paint.
Let me reiterate, I am NOT crazy. I am just insanely paranoid about who will be taking care of my child when I cannot. So many stories pop up on the news about abusive nannies, and growing up as a doctor's kid I am convinced my father is the most brilliant physician on the planet and every medical decision should be run by him.
We have a few more months to decide these things, so hopefully my eyesight will return to a normal state. Or maybe I just now have an unfortunate power of "Mom-vision" where the entire world looks different when it comes to my kid.