Tuesday

My Kardashian Underwear Situation

I never thought I would honestly be able to relate to a Kardashian sister, but grab your ice skates, Satan, hell has frozen over.

This may not make sense at first, but bear with me. I was up later than usual last night and due to the Sunday night line up I wound up stuck with an episode of Kourtney and Khloe take Miami.

While I normally would vomit on my television at the thought of listening to those women complain  their mother, I found myself interested in watching Kourtney's struggle with her weight after pregnancy.

Now unlike homegirl, I have never graced the cover of Maxim magazine in a string bikini nor will I ever. But I have always been comfortable with my body. I have been in the same weight range the majority of my adult life. I like to go walking or running when the weather allowed and I thought my weight fit well with my height. Give me some skinny jeans and a tank top that let my hip tattoos just peek out a bit and I was good to hit the town.

Pregnancy shakes up a lot of things in your life. Even when you know it's coming, it doesn't ease the shock of waking up and realizing your size 6 ass is no more. My break down came when my underwear was too small for my expanding waist. The elastic was cutting an ugly red line in my skin and I realized that I needed to go up another size.

Now you may be thinking, "You already wear maternity clothes, what's the big deal?" The big deal is the label. Maternity clothes are just that- temporary clothes that cater to my baby bump. But the underwear thing- that was a slap in the face that I needed a bigger size in regular clothes.

Kourtney was obsessed with exercise to get in shape for a post-baby photo shoot. I won't be partaking in any celebrity events after I give birth, but I am going to have to accept that my sizes will be different. And I want to do that with more grace than that crazy Armenian cyborg.

But as much as I am annoyed with her vapid ramblings, I understand the pressure she felt. All you want is to look in the mirror and feel like something stayed the same. Your whole life is different now, why do your thighs have to be too? Take away my sleep pattern, diet, every minute aspect of my life, but leave me my hip/waist ratio.

I know this is impossible, so instead of ending up in an ambulance like baby mama K, I'm going to try a different approach.

Today I am going shopping to buy underwear for my ever-expanding ass and thighs. I will continue to eat my recommended amount of calories and won't push myself to exercise more when I feel over tired. My new plan is to burn off baby fat by playing with my daughter as much as possible, and realizing she doesn't care if I'm a 6 or a 12. She's a baby. She can't even count.

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