The other evening as we were preparing our three children for bed, I walked into the bathroom and stopped in my tracks.
“Who pooped in the shower?” I called out to my family.
No one confessed to the crime, but I narrowed it down to the two children still in diapers.
While I was bleaching the shower floor, I realized how a sentence such as, “Who pooped in the shower” seemed totally normal to me now.
Before I was a parent, I never thought I would utter those words.
But that seems to be what happens to parents. Our kids do some weird stuff. We end up saying absolutely absurd things in a casual way.
Here are some of the craziest things I’ve ended up saying to my children recently:
- “Do not lick my eyeball.”
- “Why does your breath smell like cat food?”
- “Please stop pretending your penis is a fire hose.”
- “Paper towels are not food.”
- “I’m not making you a grilled cheese sandwich. Because it’s 5:30 in the morning.”
- “Don’t put that down your pants.”
- “Can someone take the pencil sharpener away from the baby?”
- “You can’t take the butter knife to bed with you.”
- “Why are you licking the baby’s head?”
What makes these phrases so much funnier is the tone used. They weren’t shouted or exclaimed.
We say these things with boredom because nothing can shock us anymore. Kids are so weird that eventually, crazy seems normal.
"Are you basting the baby?" Another sentence I never thought I would say.